This week I started to feel strongly that I should never, ever forget my time as an FCV and relish in the memories, the lessons and joys. I am actually thinking about my volunteer experience every day now and hindsight has brought loads of clarity to me. Hindsight is marvelous.
The more I reminisce the more fond I am of all of it and the smaller gems of communication with the children themselves. I keep reminiscing about particular conversations I had, or games I played, or activities I led and remembering vividly how I felt, from nausea and sweaty palms to calm clarity and steady hands. Having been allowed a full month to take a breath, to step out of the overwhelm of it all — which I never did truly get over through the entire year — and to have God continue to reveal His promises and purposes through retrospect, I am quite keen to return to my coworkers and the children. My supervisor always told me that after I left, I would miss the place terribly and I usually felt to awkward to be honest and deny it. But weeks later, I feel the way I never felt after leaving my university: sad. As anyone would feel after saying goodbye to the dearest of friends. It makes sense really, because the entire year seemed to revolve around a lesson on sincere relationships (see posts from August 2009 to June 2010) and I suppose I learned, because there is some tangible void in my heart now that the experience is behind me and so many who shared it with me are out of my life. To me, although I am sad in leaving them I rejoice in making good, real, sincere relationships. This is the way it is supposed to feel when a life is plainly, genuinely shared with another.
If this was the only purpose for being in Minnesota, to intimately learn the value of our relational qualities as created persons, I’m incredibly satisfied.