I am sitting here at work, doing a little planning for the next week, with my agenda open and about five or six different lists going.  I love lists!  Anyway I am sitting here, thinking about all the things I have done or been through and simultaneously wondering why I haven’t been blogging about all of it lately.  I had an inkling about it just now…

My blog is too public.  Of course, I want it to be a little public.   This blog to keep my friends and family informed about Minnesota and nuns and the children I work with and all the lovely things I’m learning.  It isn’t a diary.  But somewhere in the middle of winter (what is it about a bleak climate that gets me reflecting?) I realized that I was often being too honest about my experience and that in itself made it too public.

When I have a really rough time at my placement or in this community, my blogging about it – however true and relevant those feelings are to me – increases the odds of someone else knowing just how I feel.  That someone could very easily be a person that works at the treatment center, or a potential supporter of the FCV program.  Currently I am receiving hits from buzz words as simple as “Franciscan Sisters”, “Little Falls”, “FVC” or anything combining those and my placement site.  I have to start filtering what I say, because someone could be reading that I wasn’t intending, and any blogger knows that your audience influences about 57% of whatever you write.  Basically, I am worried that I’ll write something negative (albeit truthful, or graceful) and someone from my work, or my supervisor, or a nun, or potential supporter of the program, will read it and get an exaggerated perspective that I don’t want to necessarily give.

I guess this makes me less inclined to make this a personal blog, but the thought of taking my honest and open feelings out of it feels shallow.

Advertisements